


Strawberries & Cigarettes

by shinystar66



Series: Forget my soul I'm coming back to yours [8]
Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: 1st Year Isak, 3rd Year Even, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Angst, Even Bech Næsheim is Extra, Fluff and Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, POV Alternating, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-09-05
Packaged: 2019-07-03 06:56:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15813768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinystar66/pseuds/shinystar66
Summary: "Can you light my cigarette?" A deep manly voice that sent shivers down his spine repeated."What?" Isak frowned and turned around. And holy shit the guy was hot.-Based on Troye Sivan's song, first year Isak meets a mysterious third year stranger at a Bakka party who is about to change his life forever.





	1. Light my cigarette

**Author's Note:**

> I love 1st year Isak fics, okay? And I know there are plenty of them, but I still wanted to contribute. And I love this song and feel like it fits Isak and Even and I wanted to write something based on the lyrics. So I came up with this. 
> 
> This story takes place sometime during season 2, Isak is still living with his parents. The thing with Even and Mikael didn't happen. 
> 
> Mahdi is not present because I hc he joined the squad later considering that he said he didn't know Isak well in the first episode of season 3.  
> I added Magnus though because he appeared as a background character in the first two seasons, so I hc that Isak knew him earlier.

Isak regretted coming to the party the moment he stepped through the door. Another party means another night of making out with random girls, pretending that he is enjoying it and then backing away in case they try to take things further. It was humiliating and he couldn't stand it anymore, but he was way too terrified to come out, let alone try something with a guy. 

And it was not like he wanted to try anything anyway, not after the whole fiasco with Jonas. Slowly but surely, he was getting over the crush he had on his best friend. After ruining his frienship with Eva, and her life probably, he felt really bad about trying to break them up and realised that he had absolutely no chance with Jonas, so he ultimately decided it wasn't worth it. Watching him hooking up with girls didn't hurt anymore, which was a good thing. He became indifferent because he valued their friendship more than anything and he couldn't bear the thought of losing Jonas, especially not over a stupid crush.

Speaking of whom, when Jonas told him about going to a Bakka party, he agreed bitterly. Sitting with all the hipsters and pretentious artsy people was the last thing he needed, but he could use a distarction from the hell hole that his home was at the moment. His mother wasn't getting any better and his asshole of a father was more and more absent, blaming it on long hours at work. So he agreed to come with Jonas and Magnus, a guy they befriended recently and whom Isak liked much more than Elias, and he figured that some alcohol may help him forget about his worries, at least for a while.

It was three hours later when he barged through the bathroom door after dealing with a persuasive girl that just wouldn't leave him alone. He had lost both Jonas and Magnus in the crowd and decided that it was his cue to leave. He drank three beers in an hour and he was a little unsteady on his feet, almost tripping on his way out, but thankfully, the cool air of the night that hit his face sobered him a little. He took a deep breath when he heard a voice calling for him from behind, and he almost snapped his neck at how startled he was.

"Can you light my cigarette?" A deep manly voice that sent shivers down his spine repeated.

"What?" Isak frowned and turned around. And holy shit the guy was hot. He was sitting on a bench in front of the house wearing a jean jacket and he had swoopy blonde hair, bright blue eyes and plump red lips. Isak's mouth watered and his brain short circuited at the sight. _Pull yourself together wtf._

"I mean...Can I borrow your lighter? I can't find mine anywhere." The beautiful guy stuttered.

Isak looked down at his hand. Right. The lighter. The girl he kissed gave it to him and he forgot to return it when he practically sprinted away from her.

"Sure." Isak mumbled. He was a bit drunk, which was probably the reason he felt butterflies in his stomach when he brushed his fingers against the guy's hand who thanked him as he lit his cigarette and blew a smoke ring in the air.

Isak felt stupid. Was he supposed to wait until he was done? It wasn't even his lighter and it was definitely not worth the embarrassment he felt while staring at the mysterious stranger.

"We can share if you want." The blonde offered with a smile. And Isak blamed it on the alcohol again when he agreed and sat next next to the guy. It was only then when he understood that it was not a regular cigarette, but a joint and he felt stupid for not realising sooner. But it was a nice surprise because he could use something to help him loosen up. He closed his eyes and inhaled the smoke in his lungs when he heard the deep voice again.

"I didn't introduce myself. I'm Even." The boy-Even brought his hand forward and Isak shook it feeling the grand return of butterflies and his heart speeding up at the touch.

"Isak." He managed to mutter.

"So Isak..." Even said as he took another drag. "You are not from Bakka, are you? I haven't seen you around before."

"No. I'm a first year at Nissen." Isak responded while averting his gaze from meeting Even's.

Even hummed. "Cool. What brings you to this party then?"

"I..I came with my friends but I lost them in the crowd, they are probably hidden in a dark corner hooking up with some girls or something." Isak was rambling.

"I see." Even nodded and blew another ring of smoke in the air. "And there was no girl who caught your interest?"

"No girl...I mean girls are not really my type." Isak whispered and coughed immediately because he couldn't believe his own words. He just came out for the first time and to a complete stranger, a hot one, but a stranger nevertheless. It was definitely the weed speaking. His heart was beating way too fast. _Is it possible to have a heart attack at 16?_

"That's great." Even smiled revealing his white teeth but then he must have realised what he just said because his face fell when Isak's cheeks turned red. "I mean..fuck it." He continued as he pulled something from his pocket.

_Is that-_

"Is that lipstick?" Isak snorted and the tension he felt in his bones lifted a little.

"Chapstick actually. My lips are really dry." Even said as he brought it to his lips and Isak's face was even redder. "Strawberry flavoured, my favourite."

And then Even cupped his face gently and they were close-so close and Isak's body was buzzing with anticipation, but the door opened near them and Isak pulled away at the sound.

Jonas was practically carrying a wasted Magnus in his arms. 

"Isak! There you were. I could use some help here." The curly-haired boy said as he struggled manevouring Magnus's weight.

Isak looked between them and Even who seemed really dissapointed and whispered a 'sorry' under his breath as he grabbed one of Magnus' arms and put it on his shoulder.

"See you around?" Even shouted after him and Isak looked back and nodded even though he doubted they would see each other again.

"Who was that?" Jonas asked later when they were waiting for a cab in the street.

"Just a Bakka guy that shared his weed with me." Isak shrugged trying to play it cool even though he was freaking out internally. _A guy that I almost kissed. And whom I might like a little. Or a little more, which is ridiculous considering we only talked for like 10 minutes._

"Okay." Jonas said but he didn't look convinced as he eyed him suspiciously.

Right then Magnus stumbled over and puked all over Isak's shoes.

**"Fuck!"**

*** 

When he got home, Isak was completely exhausted and he passed out on the bed, relieved that his mother seemed to be sleeping considering that she was not screaming anymore and the house was completely quiet. He dreamed that he was making out with a a blonde guy with a bright smile whose lips tasted like strawberries and cigarettes and he woke up smiling and with an embarrassing problem between his legs. 

_Well fuck._ He blinked awake and groaned as the light of the morning blinded him. He was stretching his limbs and yawning loudly when his phone pinged with a notification. 

_**Even Bech Næsheim sent you a friend request.** _

_Who the fuck?_ Isak wondered, but then he dropped his phone and nearly fell of his bed when he realised who it was.

He picked the phone from the floor-which thanfully didn't crack at the impact-and looked at the screen again. And again. And again. He stared at it for a while but decided to accept the request because curiosity got the best of him and he needed to see Even's photos. Like now. 

There were only a few pictures, some with a blonde girl and some with a few other guys. He clicked on the profile photo and was met with an Even whose smile was so large and blinding that his eyes were closed. He was wearing a grey loose hoodie and his hair was a complete disaster as it was blown in all directions by the wind. Isak smiled and thought about how comfy Even's hoodie seemed and how soft his hair looked and how well his fingers would look playing or pulling that hair-

**_Even Bech Næsheim, 4 unread messages._**

Isak opened the chat by accident and cursed loudly.

_Hi! I promise that I am not a stalker or anything but I may or may not have been spending the past twenty minutes looking through my friend's little sister's friend list to find you._

_Anyway, what's up? I enjoyed talking to you last night._

_And you forgot your lighter by the way._

_It's a nice colour. Pink, sweet like you. ;)_

Isak's eyes were so wide they were about to pop out of his head. He was speechless and he hated how flustered this guy made him feel. This felt nothing like the crush he had on Jonas, no, it was much more and powerful, but also painfully alarming. He licked his lips and thought about how to respond.  
 

_That is exacly what a stalker would say and I am not sweet, that is not even my lighter._

_But I liked talking to you too.  :) ___

_That's too bad. But you held it once so I don't think I am giving it back. It is like my Cinderella shoe._  


_I need proof that you were not a dream and a reason to see you again. And you are sweet. Have you looked in a mirror recently? :o_

Isak smiled and he could feel his heart turning to utter mush and his cheeks burning up. _Holy shit this is embarrassing what am I a a scoolgirl?_ He had to think what to type next so in the meantime he changed Even's name.

**_You set the nickname from 'Even Bech Næsheim' to 'Even the hot stalker' ** __**_**

_Umm Isak, you know I can see that too, right?_

And no, he didn't know that. He threw the phone away and screamed in his pillow. This is it, he will have to delete his facebook acount and his entire existence, maybe he could fly to Mexico or to a deserted island in the Pacific Ocean, he could survive from fishing and eating fruit. He would-  


His phone pinged with 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 messages and he felt defeated and decided to look, simply because the sound was way too annoying.

_You are cute._

_Did you freak out? It is fine, really, I don't mind. On the contrary._

**_'Even the hot stalker' set the nickname from 'Isak Valtersen' to 'The sweetest boy in the universe'_**

_Look now we are even._

_Comee back we can both change them if you want to. ___

_I am officially flying the country and you are the first one to find out. Goodbye Norway, rest in piss. ___

_I am also suing Mark Zuckerberg for causing me emotional distress_

_God you are sunch a drama queen_

_Am not._

_Yes you are. And if you are flying the country, I won't be able to see you again. And I'd really like that. Speaking of which, when can we meet again?_

_Eager. And I'm busy with school. But maybe during the weekend._

_But that is 5 days away :(((_

_It is that or nothing._

_Alright. I'll show you the world, Isak. Just wait._

_That is a lot for somebody you barely know._

_I feel like I've known you my whole life._

_Me too._

The sound of glass breaking made Isak leave his trance and spured him into action. _Shit._

***

The week passed by pretty quickly. Between studying for a biology test, going out with the boys for kebabs and trying to reassure his mother that demons weren't crawling under her bed or that the world was not going to end when his father was god knows where, he and Even kept texting back and forth. They sent each other memes and chatted about random stuff like movies, music or whatever funny thing Even's friends did recently. He never felt at more ease than he did talking to him.

It was friday night and Isak was freaking out because they were supposed to meet again soon and he had no idea what to expect. It was all completely new and terrifying. He didn't tell anybody about Even and he wasn't thinking of doing it any time soon. He was fidgeting in his seat, tapping his fingers on the hard wood table when his phone pinged.

**Even the hot stalker**

**20:40**

_Light my cigarette._  


Isak frowned in confusion.  


_Is this a code for something?_

_No. Unless you want it to be ;)_  
_What I mean is: meet you at Nissen in 20 so you can light my cigarette with your lighter? It's author's right. I can't use it._  
 

_It's not even my lighter, I told you that._

_Just come._

Isak climbed down the stairs in a hurry when he met his parents in the kitchen.

His mother was cooking. _Wait, what?_ He couldn't even remember the last time she cooked. This must be a good sign. She seemed really happy bended over a pot as she was humming to a song on the radio and stirring something-that smelled really good too-with a spoon.

His father was sitting at the table and cutting vegetables.

This looked way too normal for his family and Isak stopped in his tracks, mouth gaping.

"Hey son." Terje smiled. "Dinner is almost ready."

Isak had to blink a few times and shake his head to come back to his senses.

"That sounds...great but I am meeting Jonas in 5, he really needs my help with studying." Isak came up with a lie.

"How's Jonas doing?" Marianne chimed in, not shifting her attention from the pot.

"He is fine." Isak frowned.

"Studying?" His father arched an eyebrow. "But it is friday night."

"Terje, let the boys live. They are young." Marianne stopped him. "Studying is definitely a code for partying and meeting girls, so Isak sweetie, go have fun." She waved with the spoon, still not looking up.

 _Girls, right._ Isak frowned even more. Ignoring that comment, he felt as if he landed in a parallel universe, one where his mother was well and his father was actually home.

"I will go now..."

"Don't be too late" Terje shouted after him and Isak almost snapped back _Like you ever gave a shit about me?!_ but he swallowed his words and his pride and kept going.

He felt weirded out by the whole encounter and to make thins worse, the gate was locked. There was no way he was going back to that parallel universe that formed in his kitchen, so he had to fucking jump the fence. _Escaping my own house, this is great._ As he looked at the time on his phone, he realised he was going to be late at his meeting (date?) so he ran all the way to Nissen.

By the time he arrived, he was panting and Even was...breathtaking. He was leaning against a car, dressed in a white t-shirt and black jens, a cigarette in his mouth and his hair was even more styled than usual. Isak could swear his eyes looked even more blue in the dark.

"You are late." Even mumbled but he was smirking.  


"Sorry, I got caught into something with my parents." _Not entirely a lie._  


Even nodded. "Understandable...What time is it?" 

Isak opened his phone: "21:21". 

"Really?" Even asked surprised. 

"Really." Isak confirmed. 

"Alright then, let's go." The older boy said as he was about to open the car door, but it didn't work.  


"Oh shit. I locked my keys in the car." Even said and Isak could't help but laugh.  


"Oh my god who does that?" He was clutching his stomach that was hurting from the force of his laughter and tears were rolling down his face. Somehow, when Even said or did stuff like this, he looked more human and Isak didn't perceive him as a god anymore. This way they were both equally clumsy and messy.

"Haha, laugh all you want." Even rolled his eyes. "But how are we going to go to our date place if I can't drive?"

Isak stopped suddenly, his eyes widened and his mind went blank. _He called it a date he called it a date_

"You okay there?" Even seemed quite concerned but also amused as he he came closer to Isak-too close, put a hand in his hair and started stroking it gently.

All the air seemed to have left Isak's lungs when Even's eyes dropped to his lips and Isak closed his eyes in anticipation, but then the older boy only kissed the corner of his mouth and moved his head to whisper "not yet" in his ear. _Tease_

"Come on, I will call us a cab" Even said as he turned around and walked, leaving Isak in a daze.

*

"Where are we going?" Isak asked as nervousness crept into his system. 

"It will all be worth the wait, I promise." Even promised as his fingers walked in Isak's hand whose breath hitched at the contact.

They stopped eventually and Isak frowned when he didn't see anything interesting nearby, just a bunch of tall buildings that looked a little scary and intimidating in the darkness.

"Follow me." Even said as he took the lead and began walking without a care in the world. Isak obeyed and followed him as they took the elevator and Even showed him a secret door.

They got to the roof and Isak was still extremly confused.

"This is the tallest apartment building in Oslo." Even explained finally. "I would have liked to take you to Plaza, but we have less chances of being caught here."

"And what are we supposed to do here?" Isak's brain was clouded and still not catching up.

"Stargazing." Even smiled as he looked up pointing at the sky. "Maybe we will see a shooting star. I know that you are into astronomy and nerdy stuff so..." He continued as he took off his backpack. "I also brought a few blankets so we don't freeze our asses to death, candy and Coke."

Isak was staring at him dumbfounded. "Wow Even this is...wow..." He didn't get the chance to finish his sentence because Even swallowed his words in a kiss and Isak melted against him. Even grabbed him by the waist and Isak put his arms around Even's neck in an attempt to get closer-never close enough-as their mouths were glued together. And when Even parted his lips with a tentative tongue and then proceeded to lick into his mouth, Isak let out a loud moan. 

They pulled away eventually, panting and looking into each other's eyes. _Green and blue, blue and green._

*

They were sitting on the blanket, side by side and staring at the dark sky illuminated only by the sparkling stars and the pale light of the moon. Even pulled out the candy-strawberry flavoured, of course-and threw it at Isak who tried but failed to catch it in his mouth, and then they both started laughing loudly at the miserable attempt. 

After that Even pulled out a joint and Isak smiled. "Eyyy."

They shared it, occasionally breathing the smoke into the other's mouth and stealing little kisses, but their eyes were still glued to the stark contrast of dark and light on top of them.

"I think I can see like millions of stars." Even said as he blew a ring of smoke in the chilly air.

"That's impossibile." Isak said as he took a drag himself.

"Hm?"

"You can't possibly see that many. There simply are not enough, close enough or bright enough. On a night like this when there are no clouds, if you have a very good eyesight, you may be able to see 2000- 2500 stars at one time, but not more."

Even groaned. "Here you are talking nerdy to me and I wanted to say something along the lines that despite the thousands of stars, you are the brightest of them all."

Isak's face immediately turned a bright shade of red and he felt really grateful that the pale light was not enough for Even to notice that.

"You are so cheesy."

"You like it."

"Maybe." Isak responsed as he raised his head, silently asking for a kiss and Even obeyed.

"Do you believe in aliens?" Even spoke up after a while.

"Of course I do. Or do you think that we are the only living beings in a universe that is approximately 28 billion light-years in diameter."

Even groaned again.

"I love the idea of infinity."

Even turned around to face him as he put an arm around Isak's middle who shuffled in his chest.

"What do you mean?"

"The infinity, all the posibilities and all the parallel universes. I just find it interesting how big everything is and how insignificant we are...how everything that can happen is going to happen, or not just going to, it is  
happening right now in a parallel world."

"I don't like that."

"Why not?"

"It makes me feel lonely."

"How does that make you feel lonely?"

"It's hard to explain that to you when you are so young." Isak rolled his eyes. "What I can say is that I prefer thinking that life is like a film, that you can be the director of your own life."

"That's a nice concept too, keep it if it makes you feel less lonely."

"You are sweet." Even brushed a finger on Isak's cheek and started peppering his face with wet kisses.

"I am going to make a film about you one day."

"Oh really?"

"Mhm. You know what it is going to be called?"

"What?"

"The nerd who says you can't see a million stars."

"That sounds like a pompous pice of shit movie."

They laughed until they heard the sound of footsteps approaching and an angry loud voice demanding to know who was there.

"Run!"

"Fuck" Isak said as he grabbed all their stuff and raced to the elevator.

*** 

Isak woke up smiling as the memories of the previous night were slowly coming back. He remembered how after kissing and talking for hours on that roof, they went to Even's house where he grabbed his spare key and drove Isak home. How they raced to sixty mph in the city lights. How he tiptoed in his room, thankful that his parents seemed to have fallen asleep. 

Isak yawned and rolled to his side, checking his phone, but there were no texts. _He probably hasn't woken up yet._   He saw the t-shirt he wore yesterday thrown away on the bed next to him and he sniffed it. _Still smells like you._

A few hours passed and there were still 0 texts. He decided to write something himself. 

_Hey Even, I had a lot of fun last night. When can we meet again?_

But he didn't get a response later either. Or the next day. Or the next one. 

* 

_I've been a fool but strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wanted to make this into a one-shot, but then I got kind of invested in the story and I am thinking of continuing it, but I want to hear you opinions first. I'm thinking of writing an Even pov as well.  
> Even's profile photo:[Here](https://www.panoramaagency.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/sjette-260x185.png)


	2. You deserve better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even's pov. This chapter is shorter than the previous one, but much more intense...That is all I am going to say. I hope I managed to get into Even's headspace.

_"Nei Even! If I hear one more time about the angel with golden curls and green eyes that you met at the party, I swear I will launch myself into the sun!"_ Even through the phone, the exasperation in Mikael's voice was painfully obvious.

"But you don't understand! He was so pretty Mikael!" Even said while lying on the bed and playing with his bouncy ball, throwing it against the wall and catching it when it jumped back.

_"It's not my fault that you didn't get his number."_

"His friends came right there, how was I supposed to do that? What if he isn't out to them? That would have been really awkward."

_"Okay you have a point. But look on the bright side, maybe you will see him again at another party."_

"He is from Nissen Mik, I doubt that he will go to parties organised by people from other schools that often."

_"Nissen you said? Elias' sister goes to that school too, maybe she knows him or something."_

"And how am I supoosed to ask her that? Wouldn't it sound strange? Hey Sana, I know we don't talk that much, but do you, by any chance, know a guy in your year called Isak? It's no big deal, but he may be the love of my life. Yeah because that would go so well, wouldn't it?" 

_"I am going to ignore the 'love of your life' remark because what the actual fuck? You literally met him once. And we have facebook for a reason dumbass..."_

Even got up and grabbed the laptop from his desk. 

"You are a genius! See? This is why I am talking to you." 

_"Wait Even what-"_ Mikael's voice was cut off abruptly when Even ended the call and threw the phone away.

__

__After looking through Sana's friend list for 20 minutes, he finally found him and that is how they started texting back and forth for almost a week._ _

**The sweetest boy in the universe**

**15:15**

Let's play the 20 questions game so we can learn more about each other

Okay

What kind of music do you listen to?

I am a big N.W.A fan

Oh that's what gets you going in the morning?

I guess you could say that lol  
 

Have you listened to Nas?

Nas? Yeah ofc

What's your favourite song then?

The message

You totally googled that! It took you way too long to answer

Maybe I took a toilet break

Do you have a prostate problem?

God Shut up!!!!  
Can we focus on the game? I didn't even ask you any questions yet

You just did right now

:///

Ok ok shoot

What year are you in? I realised I don't even know your age

That is way too easy. And I'm a third year

Nice, it means you can buy me beer

Is that all I am too you Isak? Somebody who buys alcohol? You wound me

....

What is your favourite colour?

 

You are no good at this game. I expected you to ask me questions like what my hopes and desires are, or what my worst fear is

I don't know why I am talking to you

Obviously because of my ability to buy beer. Or is it my charming looks? Because you did call me hot. Indirectly, but you did

I should have flown the country

It's green. My fave colour.  What's yours?

Blue :)

  <3 

Did you just send me a heart?

Yeah why? Does it bother you? :( 

<3

<3333 

Don't push your luck

*

"Earth to Even!" A hand was being waved in front of his face.

Even looked up from the screen.

"What?"

"I asked, do you want anything to drink?" Elias repeated frowning.

"Yeah yeah just some water please." Even answered and his attention shifted to the phone again.

"What's up with you man?" Adam asked.

"What do you mean?" Even asked not bothering to raise his gaze.

"What Adam means is that you have been glued to that phone of yours for the past 3 days or so." Yousef chimed in.

"Ja, what's up with that man? Did you find more interesting friends? Are you replacing us or something?" Mutta added.

"He's just talking to his little boyfriend." Mikael rolled his eyes.

"Mikael!" Even snapped.

"What? It's true."

What followed was an amalgam of questions such as: _boyfriend ?! What? What about Sonja? When did this happen?_ but they were all talking over each other and Even could barely register any of them.

"Guys stop. One at a time."

"What about Sonja?" Yousef repeated.

"We are on a break. I told you already."

"If you say so." Elias said.

"I am just chatting with this boy, alright? We haven't even done anything, Mikael is overreacting." Even said glaring at his best friend. He loved him, he did but he could be a real pain in the ass sometimes.

"Knowing you, it is much more than just chatting." Adam snorted.

"How are you planning to woo him? I could use some pick up lines." Mutta added.

"He will probably recreate a scene out of a Baz Luhrmann movie or something." Mikael laughed.

"I am actually thinking of taking him somewhere to do stargazing."  
   
"Awwww"

"I need to step up my game." Mutta nodded.

"But tell us more about this guy." Yousef interjected. "Where did you meet? What is he like?"

"He is incredible." Even said dreamy.

"Noo. Not again." Mikael said bringing his palms to his face.

*** 

All the air seemed to have left Even's lungs as they ran down the stairs-a lot of stairs-in fear of being caught by the scary guy if they used the elevator.

"Oh my god Even." Isak said panting and leaning against the wall in an attempt to catch his breath. Even followed his action shortly after, and they looked at each other for a moment before bursting into histerical laughter.

"That was a close one." Even said still smiling.

"I know...What are we going to do now?" Isak asked after a few minutes of silence.

And fuck, he didn't plan anything to do after the date. Luckily, spontaneity was one of his strengths.

"My apartment is not far from here. Come on, I will grab my spare key and then go to Nissen where I left my car and I will drive you home."

"You don't have to..." Isak said and his flushed face and the way his eyes were sparkling in the headlights of cars passing by made Even melt on the spot. _You are so cute_

"Well I dragged you to the other side of the city for our little escapade, that is the least I can do."

And there they were finally, in the car that Even wanted to use since the beginning of the evening but couldn't because of his stupidity. He felt like he needed to do something more to give a grand finale to the night, one that Isak will never forget for as long as he will live.

So he put his foot on the accelerator pedal and stepped on it hard after turning the volume on the radio all the way up.

"Even what are you doing?" Isak asked, gripping his seatbelt for dear life.

 _Tonight we are young so let's set the world on fire. We could go brighter than the sun._ The music blasted and and Even sang along.

"Let's see how fast this old thing can go."

Isak only covered his face with his hands and swore loudly.

And it was an incredible experience, he felt higher than any time he smoked weed, with the boy he liked beside him and speeding as fast as they could, the night illuminated by the colourful city lights. It was almost magical, straight up a movie scene, a really good one too.

Even slowed down after a while though, because he didn't want the night to end in tragedy.

"You can stop here." Isak said pointing at a house and Even obeyed.

"Thank you for tonight." The younger boy said grinning brightly "It was amazing...you are amazing."

"You are not that bad yourself." Even said as he gave him a little goodbye kiss, it was small and sweet, lips barely brushing against each other, but it still gave him the same toe-curling feeling it did on the rooftop under the light of a million stars, because there were that many, despite Isak denying it.  


"Good night Even."

"Good night Isak."

*** 

Their date went better than he expected and Even felt on cloud nine as he made his way to the parking lot. He had to stay a minute in the car to let the adrenaline substitute a little. His head was resting on the steering wheel and he was smiling wider and brighter than he did in a while. He was definitely falling for Isak, falling hard and fast at the speed of light. And he never felt quite like this before, not with Sonja, not even with Mikael. 

He had been crushing on his best friend for a while, even though that was the biggest cliché ever-he could already see a handful of movies/tv series/books with this exact premise flashing before his eyes-but all the lingering feelings that occupied his mind and heart recently immediately vanished when he met Isak. Everything paled in comparison to him, and it was a little scary for Even to feel so helpless, driven purely by instinct and emotions. 

Maybe it was because he hated not being able to be in control of his life, his disorder made him feel like that. And that was understandable, because it was truly terrifying to realise what he had done during his manic episodes, when his mind cleared and the world wasn't lighting and buzzing all around him anymore. Because then everything was crushing down and the leap of the cliff was astonishingly painful and devastating. He was scared to get involved, to pour all of his heart and soul out because he knew what the fall felt like, and he wanted to avoid that feeling as much as he could.

But with Isak it was different, maybe it was because of the fact that he actually had a chance with him-a chance to reach the happiness and blissfulness he found in love as depicted in movies he watched or books he read-as opposed to the impossibility of achieving something with his best friend. Loving Isak wasn't out of touch, it was a bit scary like the fear of the unknown, but it was reachable, palpable. But there was, of course, the elephant in the room, the villan of the story who stops the protagonist in the quest of fulfilling the love of their life.

And in that moment, the villan was morphed into the form of a blonde woman -Sonja who was sitting cross-legged on the sofa of his living room, her ice-cold blue eyes meeting his and her sharp gaze piercing holes into his skull. 

"What are you doing here?" Even asked breathing through his nose deeply, clenching and unclenching his fists.

"You stopped replying to my texts. I didn't hear from you for a week, I was worried." Sonja said in a calm tone, her thin arms placed in her lap.

"It's past 1 in the morning. How did you even get in? How long have you been sitting here for?" Even asked exasperated, grazing the soft skin of his palms with his fingernails.

"Stop that, you will hurt yourself." Sonja said noticing Even's nervous gesture because of course she did, she is all-seeing and all-knowing. "Your mom let me in, and I've been waiting for you for a while, I may say, where have you been?"

"None of your business." Even snapped, immediately regretting his outburst and the raise of his voice because his parents must be sleeping.

"Well it is my job as your girlfriend to care and look after you." Sonja said, her voice still ominously calm.

Even snorted, rasing his hands to pull at his hair.

"See that is exactly why things don't work between us, it is not your job to do anything for fuck's sake, and I don't need somebody too look after me, I am not a baby and you are not my babysitter."

Right then Sonja's face turned red and all her cool behaviour vanished, being turned into blind rage.

"Fuck you Even! After everything I've done for you, you are still an ungreatful asshole, you know how hard it was for me to take care of you, to make you eat and sleep and take your meds? You would have rotted in your bed if it weren't for me."

"Thanks for reminding me how hard it is to live with me. I know I am the scum of the earth, but it is not like I wanted any of this."

Sonja's face fell. "I didn't mean it like that...you just made me so angry and frustrated...you are not a burden Even, I am sorry."

"It's fine." Even exhaled softly.

"How about I make some tea and we move the discussion to your bedroom...and we should do it in a more peaceful manner, because if we continue like this, we will most likely wake your parents up...and the whole building too."

Even only nodded.

"You called yourself my girlfriend." Even said taking a sip of his cup as they sat down on his bed. "I thought I made it clear that I wanted some space."

"And I gave you plenty of it, I didn't bother you for a whole week. I didn't realise that by 'space' you meant an actual break up. I don't recall you asking for that."

"Well then I am asking for it now, can't you see how many fights we have? It's like we always get on each other's nerves."

"You are right about that." Sonja nodded.

"And I can see that you are getting tired of looking after me. You deserve better Sonja."

"No. Even. Really, I snapped and I was harsh. I didn't-"

"Enough. You explained yourself already." Even gestured for her to stop, moving his arms and causing the sketchbook to fall onto the ground. It opened exactly at a page with doodles of a boy in a snapback and little hearts drawn all around him. Even bended over and closed it in an instant, but he was too late because she saw.

"So that's what this is about. There is somebody else."

"He doesn't have anything to do with this..."

"Sure he doesn't. And that time when you almost jumped on Mikael at that party didn't have anything to do with this either." Sonja commented.

"I was manic-"

"You were, and if it weren't for me being there to stop it, god knows what you would have done."

"Stop-"

"How do I know that you are not manic right now?"

"Seriously? Are you saying that my feelings for boys are a part of my mania? That my pansexuality is a symptom, are you really saying that?"

"Of course not, I'm just pointing out the fact that you do random, impulsive stuff when you are manic, and that you should think more carefully before jumping ahead into a new relationship. Who even is he? How long have you known him? Does he know you are bipolar? Will he take care of you like I did?"  
   
"Get out." Even was done and he didn't want to hear anything anymore. "Get out of my house right now."

"You will think about what I said and you will realise that I am right." Sonja said grabbing her bag and slamming the door behind her.

And way to ruin the most wonderful day of Even's life. But that night, while he lay awake staring at the ceiling and replaying the conversation he had with Sonja over and over in his head, he understood what she meant. He couldn't burden Isak like he did with her, he ruined her and he didn't want to deprive Isak of happiness, he was way better without him. Even was sure that Isak would grow to resent him in the end, just like Sonja did, so he decided to step back. Because the sweetest boy in the universe deserved somebody better, somebody who would treat him right and love him unconditionally. And he just couldn't be that person for him because he would only hurt him if they continued whatever they had.

Even was foolish to think that he could live a romcom with a happy ending. His love life was bound to end in tragedy. Like Romeo and Juliet.

***  


He ignored Isak's texts the next day and he logged out of Facebook with no intention of coming back. He spent the whole weekend wallowing in self pity in his bed, but he didn't back away on his decision.

"What's wrong? Boyfriend promblems?" Mikael teased him on Monday during the luch break.

But when Even only played with his food in response, Mikael's eyes started to fill with worry.

"Did he do something? Do you want me and the guys to kick his ass? Because we totally could."

"No, he didn't do anything." The image of any of his friends beating Isak up was way too horrifying to Even's mind. "It just didn't work out between us." _Lie_

"I'm sorry to hear that Ev...I'm here if you need anything. Always." Mikael's kindness and his gentle reassuring smile reminded him of why he used to be crushing on his best friend in the first place. _I don't deserve you either._

He managed to lie to the boys and stop himself from reading the texts quite well, but then things came to a head on friday. Even gave in and checked his phone when it didn't stop buzzing. What he read made his blood run cold.

**The sweetest boy in the universe**

**23:45**

_Fucc yiouu Even yoiu cant do sshiy loke thatt!!_

_You cantt do andd telk me alll thosew thingd and then ignorew myu existencep_

_Isak??Are you okay? Where are you?_

_Youi left me justy like my fatherw did, he left for goods tyhis timer saids he is not cpming back_

_Noibody loces meew I weant it all to syop. Howew do I makw it stop?_

_Fuck Isak I am sorry. Tell me where you are so I can come and get you. Please baby, I promise I will make it up to you._

_Isak????_

_????_

_Please be safe._

**Fuck**

His worst fear came to life. He hurted Isak but it was not in the way he thought he would .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry. Come shout at me on tumblr at shinystar66.
> 
> Chibieiki asked me how baby Isak's heart is going to take all of this in the previous chapter, so to answer your question: Not well.
> 
> Thoughts? Opinions? Criticism? Theories on what is going to happen next? I will take anything <3


	3. Never mind my bleeding heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is very intense, it deals with Isak's family issues so read with precaution.  
> *  
> Edit: Check the notes at the end for an announcement.

It's been 5 days. 5 days of radio silence. It was another friday. Important things happened on fridays lately. 2 fridays ago he met Even. 1 friday ago he went on a date with him and had the most amazing night in his entire life. And he was pretty sure nothing could top the feeling he had on the rooftop, or in Even's arms, or in the car, or the electrifying touch of their lips. He had never felt that alive before and he probably won't ever again. And maybe he was being dramatic because he was only 16 after all, and maybe better things were to come in his future. 

If he looks at it from a scientifical point of view, it is pure biology. The fact that he is a teenager explains it all, because his hormone levels are all the way up, because chemicals that make you happy are released by your brain at physical contact such as kissing and cuddling. Some people say that things always seem more intense when you are young then they are in reality. But he felt on top of the world that night, yes, being on the roof of the tallest apartment builing in the city may do that to you, but the butterflies helped him get that high too.

So now, 15 days after they first met, 10 days after they kissed and 5 days with no sign of life from him, it was another friday. Day in which Isak was sitting at a table in the school cafeteria, avoiding Jonas' curious and concerned gaze. He was chewing on a sad cheesie toasty. Grey and empty like his soul. Maybe in another universe he was sharing cheesie toasties with Even. Maybe in that one he hadn't been ghosted and they were happy, maybe even together.

He was this close to commit break and enter and make an appearance and a scene all together at Bakka. Or go to Sana, even though he never talked to her before, to look for answers at questions he didn't know how to phrase. There had been a time when he worried. _What if something happened to him?_ But then he cycled around Even's building and saw him laughing and hugging another guy. Mikael. His best friend, by Even's words. But he looked so happy (and how dare he when Isak's world was crushing down) with him, with that Mikael (and without him) that Isak couldn't stand the sight anymore.

"Are you sure you are fine man?" Jonas asked for the umpteenth time and Isak glared at him.

"I told you, it's family stuff. And I have trouble sleeping again.The usual stuff." Isak looked down at the sad toast. And those weren't lies, but they were not his biggest sting at the moment.

"I get that, but if you want to talk more about it-" Jonas tried but Isak was way too tired to have a conversation now.

"I don't." Isak snapped, his voice raising an octave higher.

"I am just trying to help you." Jonas got up and walked way. And Isak deserved that, he really did.

* 

He spent the day curled up on his bed and staring at the wall, like he had been doing since last friday, trying to find a reason. A reason why. Did he do something wrong? Did he make more of it when Even only wanted a casual hook-up and some fun? But then why call him sweet and cute and do all those grand romantic gestures? Just why? Nothing made sense to him and he could feel the tase of salty hot tears rolling into his mouth because he didn't bother wipe them away. 

And then, as if all of this wasn't enough already, he could hear screams from downstairs. He was a fool to think that his shell of a father could be useful. Because since the first time he left in december, he came back home only once in a blue moon, to bring some food, money and make sure they are still alive probably. He was there off and on, but he was no use.

Doors slamming and Terje came to his room with a huge luggage in his hand.

"I am leaving. I won't come back like I did until now. I left you money and a credit card on the counter. I will transfer more money to you if you need."

And this was too much, Isak got up fueled with hot, bilnding rage.

"It is not like you have been around much. In fact, you haven't for months. Since December if I recall clearly."

"If you were in my shoes you would understand." Terje said as he was about to exit the room.

"Make me understand. In what way does you leaving for good help me or mom in any way?"

"I can't help her Isak. She doesn't want to be helped. And I can't live like this anymore. You don't know what I have been through."

"What **you** have been through? **I** dealt with her, **I** have been taking care of her since you left the first time and your money, ghost appearances and failed attempts at family dinners didn't do any good... **You** are the one who has no idea what **I** have been through. Where were you when she threw a plate at me?! Where were you when she screamed so loudly that we got a fucking complaint from our neighbours?! Where were you when she almost strangled me because she couldn't recognise me and thought I was a burglar trying to break into the house?! **Where**?!"

Terje seemed like he wanted to say more, to fight back but in the end he muttered a 'i am sorry' and closed the door behind him. Isak follwed right after. 

" **Fuck you!** You are a coward and **I hate you.** You are not my father and you never were." He spat after him bitterly and raised his middle finger in front of the window as Terje's car was leaving the alley.

"Mom?" Isak whipsered when she saw her crying into her plams on the sofa.

"You and your father brought me into this state." Marinanne said, her tone bitter and cold. "Only Leia could have saved me, but they took her away..."

"Leia is gone mom, she died at birth and you know that, I am sorry-"

"Then why is her name next to our doorbell, hm?"

"You asked to put it there-"

"No." Marianne got up. "You are lying. The bad people took her away from me and you two are helping them keep her hidden." 

"Mom, listen to me-"

"Go away." She shouted. "You stole my baby girl and I don't want to see you anymore."

And Isak knew she didn't mean it, that she wouldn't even remember what she said the next day, that this was just another psychotic episode. But it was still painful. And in that moment, it was the the icing on the cake for Isak to completely break down.

 _Like father like son._ He thought as he closed the door behind him, leaving her just like Terje did.

*

_Cut to Isak walking aimlessly on the streets of Oslo, falling to his knees screaming and sobbing and crying._

_Cut to him going from bar to bar to look for one that will give him some alcohol even though he is still underage._

_Cut to him finally finding one, and it is the gay bar...ironic._

_Cut to him gulping shot after shot to make the pain go away._

_It all becomes blurry after that, flashes of light and muffled noises._

_A hand on his shoulder, a man asking him something, something about where his home was._

_Isak slurred something about not being able to go back and begging to be left alone._

_And then he blacked out completely._

_Finally. Darkness._

*** 

Even's heart had been in his throat since the minute he saw the texts from Isak. He felt like he could barely breathe under the pressure of all the worry and fear and the dark thoughts that were clouding his mind. _Where is he? What happened?  Why is he that drunk? Is he alone? What if he hurts himself?? Did I do this? Am I the reason?_ That is why he felt like he could finally exhale again 30 minutes later when he finally got a call from him. The longest fucking 30 minutes of his life.

"Oh my god Isak thank god where are you?"

"This is Eskild, not Isak, sorry."

If the erratic beating of his heart stopped for a minute, it began again. He could feel his ears ringing and his hands shaking. There is no good possible explanation for a somebody else using Isak's phone, especially judging by his texts.

"What happened? Is he okay?" He managed to whisper even though his throat felt strangled

"I'm not sure. I found him black-out drunk in a gay bar. He was really out of it, I tried to take him home but he was crying and begging me not to, so I brought him back to my place. He is sleeping now."  
   
"Okay." Even felt really dumb and useless because he didn't know what to say and he had no idea who this Eskild was, he was pretty sure Isak never mentioned him. 

"Anyway, I took his phone to see if there is anybody I could talk to about his state and I saw all your texts and calls." Eskild continued. "I suppose you are his boyfriend if the the kind of bar he was in and 'Even red heart' are anything to go by?"

And fuck. He knew about the nickname on facebook but he didn't know what Isak saved his number as. Even didn't know how to feel about the fact that Isak kept the heart after he avoided him for five days straight. But also, the fact that Eskild 'supposes' and doesn't know makes Even feel really uneasy about what kind of relationship Eskild has with him.

"It's complicated..."

"I see. In that case I don't think we have anything else to talk about-"

"Can I come see him please? I just want to make sure he is okay, I don't know if you two are close friends or anything..."

"It's the first time I have ever seen him Even."

And what? A stranger bringing Isak to his place makes Even feel like throwing up a little.

"Fuck maybe you are weirded out now. I have good intentions, I promise. You see, I live in a shared apartment with one of his classmates, Noora and she and Eva, one of his friends, told be about Isak, and I chatted with him a bit on Instagram. That is how I was able to recognise him. And it's a good thing I did before anybody else tried anything." Eskild explained and the gravity of the situation finally hit Even. Isak was drunk out of his mind and anything could have happened to him if it weren't for Eskild.

"Thank you, for looking out for him." 

Eskild only hummed in response.

"I'd like to chat more, but it is getting pretty late. I will send you the adress and you can come see him in the morning to 'uncomplicate' things. But only if he wants though. I think you and I both agree that he had been through enough emotional strain."

"Of couse...of course...Thank you again Eskild." Even said and ended the call because it was too much.

 _Was this his fault? Did he cause Isak this much pain by avoiding him when he thought he would if he did the opposite?_ He looked at the texts again. 'You left me just like my father did.' Shit, he made it all about himself when Isak also had other battles to fight. And Even felt powerless to help him, but he knew he had to do something.

He didn't sleep that night.

*** 

Isak woke up with a loud groan, feeling as if he had been by a truck. His head was pounding and his whole body felt sore and stiff. The first thing he was aware of when he blinked awake was the fact that he was not in his bed. He bolted awake, his eyes widening as the memories from the previous night were slowly coming back. He remembered moping after Even, his father leaving for good, him also leaving shortly after, going to bars and then nothing. _Where am I...fuck did I do something...did somebody do something to me while I was unconscious  How could I have been so careless, so irresponsible-_ His train of thoughts was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Hi little buddy." A man with blonde short hair and gentle eyes greeted, entering the room. Isak felt like he knew the guy from somewhere. "I brought you some painkillers and a glass of water so you won't be hurting too much, you must have a hell of a hangover after last night.

"Did we-" Isak gulped, his voice shivering with shame and fear.

"No. Nothing happened Isak." The guy reassured him as he put the glass and the pills on the nightstand while sitting next to him on the mattress.

"I am Eskild. Noora's roomate. We chatted on instagram. Remember?

"Oh." Isak said, barely recalling the time a random dude sent him a message on instagram and how much he frowned when he saw it. But then he realised. Noora lived here. "Is she-"

"No. She is sleeping over at Eva's tonight. And she shouldn't be home until tomorrow. So you can stick around for longer and take a shower or something if you need it." Eskild cut him off before he could finish his question. 

Isak looked down because he didn't know what else to say. All the wounds were still fresh and festering and despite his hopes, the alcohol didn't help at all. If anything, it made things worse. It was like salt was apllied to them-to the wounds. He still felt empty and hopeless, heartbroken. His home was in ruins, his crush ignored him- he felt a hand on his back and his breath hitched at the touch.

"I don't know what is going on with you or what happened that made you so adamant to go home. But I can see you are struggling and I don't want to force you to talk if you are not ready yet." 

Isak let out a breath of relief. "Thank you. And thank you for bringing me here."

"Don't sweat it." Eskild cracked a smile as he rubbed circles on his back. Isak was suddenly very grateful for this man with such a big heart and kind soul. Who took him in like you would with a stray dog.

"Umm. There is somebody who wants to see you. He was calling non-stop last night and I answered and talked to him a little...Please don't be mad but he would really want to come over and he may or may not be waiting in front of the building."

Isak frowned. Who could it be? Jonas? Did Jonas find out that he had been in a gay bar? Fuck that is not the way in which he hoped to come out to his best friend.

"It's Even." Eskild said probably sensing Isak's confusion. And wait what? That was the last person he thought would worry about him.

Isak's mind went blank and his pulse quickened.

"I can tell him to go away if you want. " Eskild was backpedaling on his words but Isak shook his head.

"It's fine. Let him in." The word left his mouth before he even had time to process them. It wasn't rational but everything seemed to lack logic when it came to his feelings for Even. And his heart was broken, shattered into a million pieces (flashback of their discussion about a million stars that they had on the roof came to his mind but he brushed it off in an instant). But all those broken pieces were aching with longing with the need to see him. Because he missed him. So fucking much. And it was ridiculous to feel so intensely about somebody you barely know, but then again, emotions beat logic.

"Ok. I will go out to give you some space. Call me if it gets to much. I will leave a note with my number. I don't really know what the deal between the two of you is but-" Eskild was rambling and Isak stopped him.

"It's okay." He smiled and Eskild nodded as he left the room.

"Hey" Even was standing in the dooraway, eyes hesitant and looking everywhere except for him.

"Heard you wanted to see me" Isak asked straight up. Because he needed answers and he needed them fast. They couldn't dance around each other for eternity.

"I did." Even took a step closer and he was still unsure but careful with everything he did. As if Isak was a chess game he was trying to figure out, calculating every move with exact precision. He let out a long deep breath. "Fuck Isak you scared the shit out of me with those messages."

"What messages?" Isak was confused. And oh no, he really hoped he didn't-

"You don't remeber ? You texted me yesterday." Even's eyes were so blue when they were swimming in worry.

And fuck. He texted him. That is why he was there. Because he guilt-tripped him with whatever he wrote, not because Even cared. If those broken pieces of his heart could break even more, they did right then. They turned to dust.

"I am so sorry Is. I am. But I want you to know that it was not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. Fuck you were perfect. It was all on me." Even came closer, clearly not as affected by the proximity in which they were standing next as Isak was.

Isak wanted to shove him away and run. But he didn't. He snapped instead, his nerves spilling like an overflowing sink.

"Are you honestly pulling the 'it is not you, it's me' card? Why are you bullshiting me? Why? What did I do Even, just tell me because I don't understand-"

"I was serious Isak. I didn't realise that us not talking would take such a toll on you. Because if I did, I would have never stopped replying to your texts. I just..there are so many things you don't know about me and if you did, you wouldn't want this anymore. Trust me. I tend to ruin things. I just figured you were better off without me." Even looked down and he looked so small and hurt that Isak wanted to hug him. But he didn't.

"But I want to be with you. No matter what. I thought I was pretty clear about that." Isak said because he needed Even to see, to understand. "And it is kind of fucked up that you took a decision for me, you know? Only I can decide on behalf of what I need and what I want. Only I can feel what I feel."

"Only you can feel what you feel." Even repeated dumbly.

"And it goes for you as well. You don't see me telling you to have feelings for me or not to..."

"I do. Fuck Isak I like you so much. And I haven't felt quite like this ever." Even said pressing his forehead against Isak's. 

"Me neither." Isak whispered and then they were kissing. And he felt like Even could mend his heart, if he was as tender as he was while brushing their lips together, maybe he could glue the pieces back together too. But not now. Not while the wound was fresh.

"Not yet." Isak pulled away panting. "I can't forgive you yet. I need time." 

Even stroked Isak's cheeks gently. "For you I would wait an eternity." 

The older boy wrapped his long arms around him and then they rocking each other back and forth, and right there, pressed to his chest and enveloped by Even's scent, Isak had never felt that safe in his entire life.

"Can we talk about the texts? Because you really scared me last night." Even spoke up after a while. "You said something about your dad leaving? What happened?" 

And just like that, the bubble was popped. He came out of it with a screeching halt and was brought back to the reality. Reality in which he was homeless because he ran away and staying in a stranger's room. Right. But before he got the chace to open his mouth and say anything, there was a knock on the door and Eskild's head creeping through.

"Well don't you two look cozy!" Eskild smiled and Isak's face flushed at the remark.

Maybe he could pretend that things weren't that bad for a little longer. 

* 

_Never mind your bleeding heart._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there are my two cents on the night Eskild and Isak met and on the famous Leia Valtersen people speculated so much about. Should I add a minor character death?  
> *  
> Edit: Just a little announcement. I will try to finish this fic (if you are still interested in it) and then I will take a break from writing. I just saw that my series has 51k+ words and I wrote it all in a month. I am impressed with myself :) I won't have a lot of free time because school is starting soon, but I will probably come back in the future with small pieces if my brain buzzes with ideas that I can't let go of. 
> 
> Thank you to all of you who left kudos, comments, who bookmarked or subscribed to my works. You are all amazing <3 My love for skam and its characters in unconditional and I regret not joining the fandom earlier because I feel like it died down a little. But like the series itself, all good things must come to an end, right? I am rambling and I will say more when I finish this fic. Alt er love <33


	4. We have each other now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much to say this time. Check the end notes <3

"I am glad you figured out whatever was going on between you two." Eskild said as he sat down next do them. And Isak blushed as Even tightened the hold he had on him.

"But I am here to make an offer. Isak, if you need a place to crash, you are welcome here."

"I can't." Isak hated how much his voice was shaking. "Noora lives here and I'm not. I'm not ready for her to know-" He was choking with each word and Even moved to press little kisses on his temple whispering _it's okay it's okay_ over and over.

"Noora doesn't have to know, I-I...It's not the most comfortable place but the building has a a basement and, again, I don't know how bad your home situation is, but considering how you had a meltdown when I tried to-"

Isak could feel Even's breath hitch at that and he didn't want Eskild to continue that sentence.  He was about to open his mouth to say something but Even beat him to it.

"No. There is no way you are staying in a basement." Even shook his head and he had a completely serious expression on his face. "You can stay with me. My parents will be more than happy to have you around. I am sure."

Isak gulped. "I don't want to intrude-" He couldn't bear the thought of being a burden, to Even or his parents.

"You wouldn't." Even said and pressed their lips together and it was the sweetest kiss. Small and tender but it felt like it could mend Isak's heart. But then he remembered that Eskild was still there, watching them. _Well shit_

Eskild raised his arms in a sign of surrender: "I get it. You'd rather stay with your incredibly handsome boyfriend than with little old me. But if you need anything, you have my number, just give me a call."

Isak smiled. "Thank you." He will never be able to show how grateful he is for this man.

And it was probably a bad idea. He hadn't even forgiven Even yet, but staying with him seemed like a better alterative than living in a cold grey basement.

*** 

A week passed and Isak managed to dodge Jonas and Even's questions while also avoiding his best friend and Magnus at school as much as he could. He had no idea how to come out to his friends, let alone tell them that he was crashing at a his boyfriend's? house for a while. Things had always been complicated in his life, but this was a mess he didn't know how to get out of. And to tell either of them how he ended living with Even in the first place was also quite terrifying. 

He got along with Even's parents well, he was surprised at how quick they were to welcome him in the family, no questions asked. Isak could only dream to have a family like that. Things were going well between him and Even, but the elephant in the room was getting harder and harder to ignore and brush off when those blue pools of light were looking at him with such intense worry and care. And maybe it was because Isak had never felt like someone cared so deeply about him that he had no idea how to open up.  

Sure, Jonas was his bro and he would do anything for him and he had no doubt in his mind that Jonas felt the same about him. But it was still a new territory. Talking about feelings and problems. It was really scary and he had no idea how to even get started when his brain was buzzing and clouding with so many worries. He felt ashamed of leaving her just like his dad did, but at the same time he couldn't help but feel like it was the better alternative. He couldn't bring himself to talk to anybody, but he knew he had to do it soon because the weight on his shoulders was eating him alive. 

"You don't have to keep sleeping on the sofa, you know?" Even said, leaning on the doorway and having a smug expression on his face while Isak was struggling to stretch the sheets 

"We are not that far in our relationship." Isak rolled his eyes and ducked his eyes trying to hide the undeniable flush of his cheeks at the thought of sleeping with him. 

"Excuse me?" Even exclaimed while approaching him. "You said we are in a _relationship_?" He raised his eyebrows punctuating every syllabe dramatically. 

Isak dropped the pillow he was holding. "I guess I did." 

"So we are official boyfriends?" Even laughed and his smile was so bright and blinding that it made Isak's tummy do funny things. _How could I ever say no to you when I feel like looking into the sun while talking to you._

"I guess." Isak rolled his eyes again and Even raised his eyebrows. 

"You guess?" Even teased as he grabbed Isak by the waist and pressed a wet sloppy kiss on his cheek. Isak moved his head to meet his lips when Even's phone rang. And Isak would be bothered by whoever was calling his boyfriend when they were in the middle of such an intimate moment, but he snorted as he listened to the ringtone. 

_Hey I just met you and this is crazy_

_But here's my number so call me maybe_

Isak couldn't contain the loud groan or the laughter that erupted from his throat. 

"Carly Rae Jepson, really?" 

Even looked for a second at the screen, but then he ended the call and put the phone back in his pocket. 

"Yeah, what is wrong with her?" 

"What do you mean what is wrong with her?! Everything! And that is such an old song... I can't believe you. You must also like Gabrielle." 

"I do for a fact. 5 fine frøkner is a bop and you can't deny it." Even giggled and Isak shoved him in the chest. 

"You are such a fucking dork." 

"Maybe I am. But it is not my fault that you didn't get over your hating pop music phase. Embrace your inner pop music hoe babe." 

"Shut up!" _babe... we are babes now._

"I am sure you would love it if I serenaded you any pop song. And I have the perfect one for this occasion." Even said as he pulled out his phone and typed something furiously. 

_Boom clap_

_The sound of my heart_

_The beat goes on and on and on and on and_

Even was lyp-sincing the lyrics and Isak could feel his cheeks heat up in embarrassment. 

Boom clap 

_The beat goes on and on and on and on and_

_Boom clap_

_You make me feel good_

_Come on to me, come on to me now_

_Stars shining as your bones illuminate_

"I told you that you are a dork!" Isak shoved Even in the chest again and he laughed in response. 

_First kiss just like a drug_ _Under your influence_

"See? You are dancing too!" Even laughed louder. 

"Nei!" 

_You take me over you're the magic in my veins_

_This must be love_

*** 

Isak was lying on the sofa with his back propped on a pillow and flipping through a biology book. He was dressed in both Even's hoddie and his sweatpants because he couldn't keep wearing the single set of clothing he had with him over and over again. And there was also another reason, but nobody needed to know how much he enjoyed being covered in his boyfriend's scent that made him feel safe and protected. Absolutely no reason to mention that, nei.

He got to the chapter of mitosis when Even came into the room, looking ridiculously hot as usual.

"You know I love seeing you in my clothes, but don't you think you should go home and grab some more of your stuff? I could go with you if you want." 

Isak hated how careful Even was with all his words, as if afraid that he might say something to break him, as if Isak was a fragile porcelain doll or something. And he was about to snap, but Even had a pont. He couldn't keep on lying and hiding forever. He turned around to face him.

"You are right. And it's fine, I can go by myself."

Even nodded, but he looked a bit taken aback and a little uncertain, as if he wanted to add something but he didn't quite know how to phrase it.

"I really don't want to force you to speak, but do you think you could tell me what happened that made you so adamant to go home?"

And there it was: the elephant in the room making a grand entrance and crushing Isak's chest with its huge weight.

He swallowed the lump in his throat. 

"My mom...is not well."

"Not well how?"

"Mentally."

Even's breath hitched but Isak was too stuck in his internal turmoil to notice.

"What makes you say that?"

"She thinks that the world is about to end...and that my uncle is Donald Trump." Isak explained and Even eyed him up and down.

"Donald Trump is not my uncle." Isak tried to substitute the gravity of the situation and lift the mood a little, and it seemed to have worked because Even let out a muffled laugh.

"But it's...she sometimes gets really bad to the point that she doesn't recognise me or gets violent...and my dad left us. I mean he left in december the first time, but he used to come back every once in a while...but now he left for good and I can't deal with her alone anymore but now I feel bad for leaving her alone I can't..." 

_Now is the time when he throws me out of his house, either because my mom is crazy and he can't deal with that or because I didn't do anything to help her._

He felt two strong big hands cup his face.

"Breathe Isak. It's okay, it's fine." 

He didn't realise he wasn't breathing until he heard Even's words, so he took a deep breath, and then another one and another one and the pressure on his chest slowly lifted.

"She needs help from a professional, you are a child, it's not your responsibility to look after your parents, it's supposed to be the other way around. Okay?"

Isak nodded tearfully and Even pressed a soft kiss to his forehead.

"Is she always like that? Or only for some periods of time? Does she take any meds?"

"She's been like this since..." _Leia_ he wants to say but he can't bring himself to. "I mean for a few years. And dad tried to make her take some pills but she refused to take any treatment."

"It could be some kind of psychosis...it could be schizophrenia."

"You know so much about mental illnesses...Do you also know somebody who is mentally ill?" He asked because he couldn't help it, but  judging by the way Even's face fell he felt like he had made a huge mistake.

"Yeah." Even licked his lips. "Something like that."

Even seemed upset and it made Isak's heart break. He didn't know if it was because of his sob story about his mom or for an entirely different reason...how could he be so stupid. Even must also be struggling and afraid of his reaction.

Isak missed his boyfriend's blinding smile and didn't want him to be afraid anymore, so he grabbed Even's hand and gave it a tight squeeze.

"You know you can tell me anything too, right?"

"I know. I just can't."

"It's fine." Isak pressed their foreheads together. We are both going to be okay. And you know why?"

"Why?" Even's voice broke.

"Because you are not alone. And neither am I. We have each other now."

***

_You are not alone._  


_You are not alone._  


_You are not alone._  


_I am not alone._

Such beautiful words whispered by such a sweet boy. Even felt tears rush to his eyelashes just thinking about it. 

He had been in an emotional, all-over-the-place state since three days ago whem he helped Isak get to his house and they took his mother to a hospital where she was diagnosed with schizophrenia, just like he suspected. Since they talked to Isak's father and checked her into a clinic.

He tried to be as strong as he could, because even though Isak seemed very mature for his age, in moments like these, he looked so small and vulnerable, just like the 16 year old kid he is. So he kissed him and held him and whispered soft, reassuring words in his ear and rubbed circles on his back and stroked his hair and cuddled him to sleep.

Even wanted to run away, to protect the poor boy from the darkness that was burried deep inside him, just like he promised himself he would. And he wanted to, especially after learning about Isak's troubled childhood with his schizophrenic mother and seeing what a toll it took on him. 

But how could he? How could he when his boyfriend told him that he is not alone? How could he leave him whem Isak said that they have each other now? What kind of monster would he be?

Even was staring at the ceiling and inhaling the pillow Isak slept on the past copule of nights. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Isak was currently coming out to his friends and Even had never felt that proud for somebody else before. He wasn't proud or brave when he came out to his friends, he was scared out of his mind and he couldn't stop the tears that were falling when Mikael hugged him and the others clapped his back, telling him that nothing changed. He wondered if Isak's friends would be just as accepting. He wondered if he should tell Isak about himself. It was not like he was going to judge him, and Even thought that Isak already kind of knew, but it was still scary to come out, to announce yourself, to bare yourself in front of someone. 

When he did it last time it was with Sonja who dismissed his feelings and he didn't think he wanted to feel like that again.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of knocking on the door. Who could it be? Isak wasn't supposed to come back until 19 and his parents were still at work.

"Hi!" Sonja greeted standing in the doorway.

"Hey." Even replied. He couldn't bring himself to say anything else, but he gestured for her to come in.

"I am so sorry Even. For everything I said."

"It's fine-"

"No. Listen to me. I talked to Mikael and the guys and they told me. Don't be mad at them, I kind of bugged them to give me answers because I was worried you weren't in school. I just wanted to say that...You are not a burden and you are not hard to live with. You were a great boyfriend. And I am sorry I doubted your feelings. It seems like this Isak guy cares about you...so kudos to you for finding him. Because you deserve love and I haven't given it to you lately so..."

Even was dumbfounded by her speech.

"Thanks Sonja."  
   


They hugged and Even felt good. _Is this what closure feels like?_

"Are we okay?" She asked as she pulled away. "Because you were my first love and an important part of my life and I don't want us to resent each other.

"I don't want that either. And I am sorry too...I know I wasn't the best boyfriend and that I overreacted many times when all you wanted to do was protect me so.."

"It's cool."

They shared a warm smile.

"Does Isak know about your...?"

"Not yet. But I want to tell him soon."

"Well you should. And if he gives you any shit, I'll have a talk with him."

Even laughed.

"You don't think I am serious? Nobody is allowed to shit on my favourite ex."

"I am your only ex."

"And that is exactly the reason why you are my fave." Sonja chuckled. "Really Even, he should know how lucky he is to have you. You are a great person."

"We are both lucky."

***

It was dark outside when Isak came.

"Hey." He greeted and his cute smile and green pools of light immediately lifted Even's mood after the emotional talk he had with Sonja earlier.

"How did it go?" Even asked as he gave him a greeting peck on the lips.

"Good, better than I imagined. Joans was very chill and Magnus..well he was Magnus."

Even smiled. "That's great baby, I'm so happy for you." He pressed more kisses to his face and Isak giggled because of all the affection.

"I think I will stay with Jonas for a while." Isak said pulling away.

"What? Why?" Even felt bad, did he do something to make Isak feel unwanted here?

"I can practically hear your thoughts. You are thinking too loud. You didn't do anything. I just...you've done so much for me already and I can't spend every single minute with you and your parents, I think we both need some spaces sometimes.

Even nodded. He could see his point even though he didn't want anything more than to have Isak by his side all the time.

"Okay. If that's what you want it's fine."

"Thanks." Isak whispered and hugged him. And he could feel like he could cry from the embrace again, because nobody held him so tenderly before. Nobody clung to his t-shirt the way Isak did, like he needed him, like his presence wasn't something to resent. Like he was precious. He could feel both himself and Isak melting against each other. It almost felt like love.

"I have to tell you something." Even declared because he couldn't think about love before Isak knew.

Isak only nodded and stared at him with his deep green eyes.

"I am bipolar." He blurted and there it was. He said it. He almost expected Isak to run away. But he didn't. Of course he didn't.

"Okay." The younger boy smiled and stroked Even's hair gently, completely unaware of his heart turning to utter mush at the gesture.

"You know what that means?" Even asked.

"Yeah. Magnus' mom is bipolar too. You have periods of time when you are really down or on the contrary, right?"

"Yes but it is worse than that. It's not pretty. I can do fucked up things when I am manic and you don't want to be near me when I am depressed because all I do is sleep and I understand if you don't want to-" he was rambling and Isak stopped him by kissing him slow and deep. It was a comforting kiss, one that mended his heart all together.

"I don't care. I told you I want to be with you no matter what. And you've been so good to me and my mom, I want to be able to help you too, and to take care of you too. You treated me with nothing but kindness and you deserve everything good in the world too."

"I love you." Even blurted out loud and oh fuck. Maybe it was too soon.

"I love you too." Isak said and Even felt like he could burst from happiness.

_He loves me and I love him._

*** 

_Months later_

The scool year was done and summer came. Even graduated but decided to take a gap year because he wasn't sure what he wanted to do next year. Plus, a gap year meant more time to spend with his beautiful boyfriend and his friends. Mikael and Elias also took a gap year, so he wasn't the only one. 

Isak got a call from Eskild with whom he had kept in touch since the night at the bar and he told him that Noora was going away in London and that he had an empty room. And it was perfect, because Isak needed a place to stay, a room to call his own, as much as he liked going back and forth between Jonas and Even's apartments. 

And that is where they were now, unpacking the boxes that contained Isak's belongings. 

"We should have moved in together." Even said as he threw himself on the bed. 

Isak rolled his eyes. "We are not that far in our relationship yet." 

"You said that too when I told you not to sleep on the sofa anymore and you ended in my bed a few days later so..." 

"Shut up." Isak dropped the box he was holding to kiss his stupid boyfriend senseless. 

"So you don't want us to move in together?" 

"Of course I do. Just not now." Isak reassured him. "In the future? Definitely." 

"Oh so you think we will be together forever, happily ever after?" Even teased while brushing Isak's hair away from his forehead. 

"Asks the guy who talked about our marriage a few months ago." 

"I was manic." Even laughed. 

"So you didn't mean it, you don't think we will get married, you don't think that we have a future?" Isak asked, voice small. 

"I think..." Even paused. "That we will be together for an eternity. And that all our parallel universe selves will too." 

"You are so cheesy." Isak snorted. 

"I am. But you love it." 

"I do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know. Not my proudest chapter and I am sorry if everything felt too rushed, but I really wanted to finish this story. And as you may already know, I will take a break from writing so this is my official goodbye.
> 
> I may come back though. I leave the drabbles fic and my series unfinished, but for now I don't have the energy, inspiration or time to write anymore. You know you shouldn't keep doing something when it feels more like a job or a chore rather than something you enjoy doing.  
> Writing 55k+ words written in a month has been an experience.
> 
> I can't find the right words to explain how much I love Skam or what kind of impact the series had on me. I don't really like the remakes because it feels weird to watch the same storyline over and over again, just with different actors and in different languages. I couldn't bring myself to watch more than a few scenes and important clips of any of them, but I can't wait for Martino's season, or for the other 'Isak seasons' of the remakes. Catch me crying when we get Shay's story.
> 
> You can find me on tumblr at shinystar66. It's a sideblog so I can't follow you back, but you can message me to cry about skam together.
> 
> Takk for alt! Sending you all the love! Take care of yourselves peeps <33


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